Finish strong!

         Once you take a step inside the campus, you never know what lies ahead of you. The future is covered with mists; you could not predict nor see what’s in it. Nevertheless, you still continue to take another step and sally forth. Venturing a crooked uncertain path in college is making everyone else anxious. You will feel excitement and disappointment; you will succeed and also fail; you will have triumphs and losses. 

          

         But in this den of survival, the most important things are what you have learned and how you end what you have started with a bang. You may feel disappointed, down, hopeless and afflicted by your failures today—you must take courage and ignite once again the burning desire that you have on the very first day. Do not be blinded by frustrations and even linger on the darkest side of  failing for too long. Remember, “Failing does not mean you are a failure.”

        You started the year with big dreams; you still have the time to finish it strong for it is not how you start but how you finish that makes all the difference.

This must be the start of the beginning.

Start anew! 

     I have been wanting to change for the better. I have been reading the bible yet I fail to understand it by heart. There are times that I able to absorb the thought of a verse, I even jot it down to serve as a reminder for me whenever I take a glance on it. However, I do fail to live with it fully and wholeheartedly. Undeniably, I am a sinner who keeps on making sins and breaking the promises that I have uttered to God. With that, I realize that maybe it’s time to dwell in God’s presence without going to and fro. This day onwards, I will be trying my very best to move forward and to work my plan accordingly without turning back. I will start anew—to start living with Him! Thus, I pray that He will guide me.

     God bless!

A Heartbreaking Report!

               Getting out from Failure’s Silhouette: I will and I can!

O blue blue sky! You’re now covered with darkness.

Any time by now, you will shed tears—

Hold it in and never pour the rain.

‘Cause you become weak in the eyes of many.

Hold on, dearest blue sky!

But if it’s too heavy to carry,

Let it go but do not be weary.

‘Cause one day, “Everything will be okay!”

 “I did my best. I even gave the best shots that was left. But that best was not enough!”

These very words were the first ones to come out the night that I knew I did not make it. Yes, I failed my ever first major subject. I failed and I was deeply hurt. I even ran to my mother and cried to her for the very first time. Thus in this disposition, I really don’t know how to narrate the happenings for this semester. But with all my strength, I will try my best to tell you everything.

For this second semester, I was trying very hard: I doubled my effort; I had countless sleepless nights; and I had researched additional information for each subjects— but still I did not make it. I could not really tell what the problem was. Was it me, the teachers or the subject itself? As I was assessing myself for the nth time, for no reason, I could really tell it was me.

This semester, we had our first major subject—CHE 131: Introduction for

Chemical Engineering. On the very first exam, I failed. I studied yet I failed. Maybe I was so nervous at that time that I even forgot the things that I had studied. On the second exam, my scores got improved but it was a little lower than the passing score. So, I got failed again. With that, I changed my study habit. I studied in advance and even answered all the problems in the book. The result was so good because at last I passed. I felt relieved at that moment. So, I did the same thing. I studied in advance and answered all the problems in preparation for our fourth and last exam. After the last exam, we did not meet with our professor. We just waited for her announcement if we pass or not and the day came—we received her text. The content of the text was the names of the students who passed and who would not take the removal anymore. It was nerve-wracking. Really. Because I felt the jittery feeling in my whole system. As I read it, I was so appalled that my name was not included. Broken yet hopeful, I studied again despite the very tight schedule I had since it was our final exam week. During the removal exam, my heart was beating so fast that I could barely breathe but thanks God I survived. As I went out of the room, I was not able to feel that heart-pounding feeling. Because if I did, I could really tell that I failed the exam. So at that time, I was confident enough that I would pass the removal. But all high hopes went down. It was on May 29 that I received the most heartbreaking news—I failed the removal exam and got a grade of 5.00. I was in a great dilemma. How would I tell this to my parents? To kuya and ate? And especially to PhilDev? It was so hard for me that I could not think properly. It was so hard even more that all I did was to cry all night long.

I grieved and felt so sorry towards my family, to kuya and ate, to my high school teachers and friends, to PhilDev and to myself:

 I was so sorry to mama and papa that their once-achiever daughter got a failing grade and mama would possibly stop her monthly check-up for her goiter in Davao. I was sorry to Kuya Diyok, Kuya Sadam, Ate Sarah and Jenjen who saw me as the victor in the family. I was even sorry to Ate Jingle that she might not be able to retire from her work and take some rest because she will be supporting me again financially. I felt sorry to Kuya Jr because I wasn’t able to make it and I would be a burden again. I felt sorry to my friends and high school teachers because I wasn’t able to exceed their expectations. I felt sorry to PhilDev family because I let the opportunity slipped off from my hands and even let them down. Lastly, I am very sorry for myself that she needs to feel all these affliction and failures; that she needs to embrace all the embarrassment and overworks herself again; that she needs to prove herself once more and shows to everyone that she will be a great Chemical Engineer someday.

I know this is way too difficult for me to accept this because I have neither failed an exam nor got a failing grade way back in high school. But somehow this situation I am in helps me realize that I cannot get all the things that I wanted and life is not all about pleasures and victories. It is all about feeling the sting of failure before taking the remedy of success.

This might be the last narrative report that I am going to make, so I will grab this opportunity to thank PhilDev for giving me a big break to experience how it feels to be part of their family. Thank you for investing your trust in me despite all my flaws and failures. Also, I am so sorry for letting you down over and over again.

On the other hand, thank you so much Ma’am Bernie, Ma’am Zen, Ma’am Rubelyn, Sir John, Sir Dado and other staffs of PhilDev. Words are not enough to express how thankful I am.

People keep on cheering me up and telling me that everything will be fine. Kuya, on one hand, tells me that “Failure doesn’t define who you are. It doesn’t shape your future. You do. You, yourself, should know that you’re not here to please everyone else. This is your life. You are the one responsible in shaping the future you wanted to have in the next coming years.”

Up to this moment, I still don’t know where this thing will lead me. But who says I will give up? It might take me years to get over with this issue but I will not let this hindrance impede me from making all my dreams come true not just for my own interest but also for God and for my family. Even though I fall, I WILL RISE AGAIN! (Micah 7:8)

I have written this on my narrative report before and I will write this once more: I may not be able to mend what was broken or even change what had happened but in my utmost capability, I will pick up all the broken pieces and try my very best to get out of this dismal zone and become successful at the end of the day.

I will get out from this failure’s silhouette— I will and I can!

Enough said with no further adieu.

           It is today—the day that we’ve been waiting

For you to come back wholly and anew—

             Bring with you the serenity and beauty of hoping.

“Everything that happens today would definitely make sense someday.”

What Am I To You?

            Sitting idly on a bench, I don't know but I don't get it--feelings are rumbling, thoughts are flying--I don't understand what's the meaning.
            When I was looking for a reason, I luckily found the answer. By the time I set my eyes on you, I thought it was nothing thus I just let it go.
            Every minute that I spend in writing, reading or even in studying, the thought of you pop out without me knowing. Every time you pass by, my heart beats uncontrollably; every time you talk to me, my thoughts are jumbling; every time you flash your sweetest smile, it's killing me inside out; every time you go near me, my hands are shaking, my body is trembling and my whole world stops turning; and when you are nowhere to be found, my heart is mourning and produces no more sound.
            Time flies, things have changed and days go by yet the spark remains and for the nth time--I don't know why. I count the days, months and even years--I have known: I find myself falling for you.
             Sadly, things have gone wrong when you meet the girl you've been dreamin' of. She is classy and sexy; she is cute and charming; and she has this beauty of Aphrodite while mine is a total plain of simplicity. She and I are total opposites like what was described in  the song of Taylor Swift.
            They say 'Simplicity is Beauty', but why haven't you noticed me? Am I invisible? Or 'am just a NOBODY to you? Please tell me straightforwardly--right in front of me--what am I to you? Answer it with all honesty.

To The Guy I Liked!

This is not the first piece solely written for him. But this was the only piece that I sent to him through facebook.

Dearest Master!

Yours truly is knowledgeable enough of the oddity

this piece might bring;

Yet I wanted to seize this moment and also prayed that

thy let me be.

I do not know why on earth I am making this.

But one thing for sure—this is the first and the last one maybe.

God has made this day so special

To the person who is exceptional.

Since today sets your eighteenth year,

Thus I give you also these eighteen things.

(1)    I apologize for this plain piece that I have made

 but I assure you, I am very sincere!

(2)    I am sorry for bugging you again but I do not want

to let this day pass without doing anything.

(3)    I am thankful to GOD for your existence because

you spice up my oh-so-boring life, I swear!

(4)    I am grateful to you for being such a considerate person,

With that I tend to like you.

(5)    Oops, I forgot! I do have a lot of reasons why I like you that much.

Thus, if you will let me....

(6)    Thy tantalizing eyes melts me down;

(7)    Thy sweet killer smile makes my heart goes wild;

(8)    And thy handsome face lightens up my day.

(9)    I really do not know but seeing you makes me happy.

(10)However, being a loving son and kuya is the one attracting me most.

(11)Your burning passion and love towards basketball follows.

(12)Everything in you is a good point.

I bet it’s indeed a blessing for you.

(13) Thus, I pray that GOD may continue to bless you;

(14) May He grant all the desires of your heart

(15) May He also bless and guide your family;

(16) And also “Pansinon na untana ka sa imuha crush!” (HAHAHA)

I know how weird this thing for you,

(17) But like what I said before—DO NOT MIND ME, TINDOY!

(18) Do not feel sorry for me nor get mad at yourself,

For I have held responsibility of my own feelings.

Dearest SUHO,

You were the strength when everyone was so weak.

You were their voices when they couldn't find the words to say.

This day signifies new beginnings.With that, I pray to Him above to give you strength and good health that'd serve as your weapon in surpassing obstacles you'll meet along the way.

Life of being an idol has always been an arduous journey for you. Yet, you remain firm and resilient amid all difficulties and show to everybody what a leader should be; thoughtful, generous, kind, loving, caring, understanding and has a strong heart.These things make you so special. These things make your fans so proud of you. And so do I!

Oppa, people might find this so absurd and crazy but writing this shows my sincerity and love for you and the other members.

Don't hurt yourself, arasseo? Keep the butterflies in my stomach burning eh?  Saranghae oppa! :) <3 HAHA

Cheers for a prosperous year ahead for you and EXO!

EXO SARANGHAJA! <3

With love from Philippines to South Korea,

            JEMADEL BONGABONG

                      Wife

I bridged the gap of two,

I found love for them both.

I made love exist,

With that I am sure of.

Never played the role of Cupid,

But I am mending the busted.

Truly, I have made myself a bridge.

And have tended to their heart’s plea.

Yet, look upon me Master!

‘Am a woman with an afflicted visage;

Touch me so you’ll feel,

the pain growing inside of me;

Hear the beat of my heart,

Like a glass obliterated in just a stroke.

I am deeply hurting–

for I wasn’t loved by you;

And that I should’ve known!